What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:15
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was in good health!
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
How do you stop your balls from sweating?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i do to all so called friends.?
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why does my sister want to have sex with me? What should I do?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
When was the first time your wife had beastiality?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She married twice! .
What do you think of Andrew Tate?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
I was seconnd youngest,
What does K mean in Vietnamese?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Does the Lil Wayne song ‘Lollipop’ refers to a Lollipop sweet or a metaphor?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
All the time i was locked up.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Who then, do I blame.?
One cannot live in the past .
When she asked me how she looked .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Would this be the day?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I have no regrets .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I think the readers, may guess!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was scared of men, in general
We were not on the streets..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But, we were locked up after school.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i lived it daily.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I will be 64.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We all went to grammer schools
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My life is so biszare .
Put me off passion for life!!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She wouldn,t have been !
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So whats the point in blame.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I don,t even have a pension.
So, i spoilt her more .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..